Meet the new all-American cheaters -- and we're not talking Tiger. In fact, we're not talking about men at all. When we interviewed the founder of Ashley Madison to find out what would make someone create a site to help people cheat in the first place, nothing he said shocked us quite as much as who he told us we would find on there.
The fastest-growing segment on the Web site, which now boasts over 5 million members, said Noel Biderman, is newlywed women. Specifically, those who had been married for less than three years. And he's not the only one these days to claim that we're equally likely to stray: Recent surveys show that if you're under 40, adultery rates are the same for men and women.
But what would possess a newlywed, in particular, to cheat? Rather than speculate, we decided to ask one: Melanie*, 31, signed up on Ashley Madison before she and her husband had even celebrated their second wedding anniversary. After the jump, read her brutally honest explanation of what possessed her -- and still does.
I'm 31 years old and a journalist living in Los Angeles. I met my husband five years ago at a party -- we were introduced by mutual friends. The chemistry between us was instantaneous: He was different from anyone I'd ever dated, physically and personality-wise. Jason* is very strong, charismatic and business-minded. Before, I'd always gravitated to guys who were more like me: cerebral and creative.
But I was approaching my 30th birthday, and I really wanted to get married, have kids ... all of those things. When I met him, something stirred in me. We just clicked, and all of my friends said, "You're perfect for each other." Because he was absolutely different from anyone I'd dated before, I thought, Maybe this will work. Maybe this is the secret.
Jason and I dated for about two years, then moved in together six months before we got married. When it was time to tie the knot, we decided to elope, rather than have a big wedding. We were both in agreement on that.
Then, pretty soon afterward, he started traveling for work more often. He works in the tech industry, so he's in the Bay Area a lot. Jason is a very take-charge person in general. Ivy League. He and his life are on track. I started to realize that marrying a highly motivated person means you also marry someone who's ... busy. If I confronted him, he'd say, "You knew who you married. You knew my job was like this."
Things started to feel a bit stale and stagnant. I was home alone all the time. I'm 31, married, and bored already, I thought. And it could be another 70 years that we're together! Then I started reading all these articles about whether we're even meant to be monogamous and whether that's healthy. I devoured women's magazine articles about swingers and flirting with other people and how it can be good for you as a couple. I wasn't sure what I thought anymore.
I actually don't know if I would care that much if my husband cheated on me. He travels so much for work anyway, I don't think I would care if he had sex. I would care if he cuddled in bed with someone afterward, but this is my thing: I think it's not natural to be attracted to someone for such a long time. I think you can be with someone emotionally for your whole life, but I'm not so sure about sexually.
I first heard about Ashley Madison on the radio, and I thought it was the kind of thing where people aren't really happy in their relationships but don't have the guts to break up without outside interference.
I've had boyfriends before, and if it wasn't working, I would just end it. But I also have plenty of girlfriends who would never break up with somebody unless they had someone else waiting in the wings. So, at first, that's what I thought this site was. |
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