Five questions to ask yourself before you have children

　　Parenthood is never going to be what you thought it would be, but an evaluation of whether you and your partner are ready for children needs to happen well before you find out the results from your at-home pregnancy test.
　　There are two important factors to consider. The first has to do with finances, of which work and career are a part. Today’s professional woman has more choices than ever before when it comes to work-family options, and she will need to weigh the pros and cons of working or parenting full time, taking advantage of a flex- or part-time schedule, or the increasingly common option: bringing home the paycheck while her partner stays at home.
　　After that--or better yet, at the same time--a couple will need to determine how easily they can afford to have a child--or children, if multiples are desired or a possibility.
　　These considerations, along with the emotional issue of whether both of you are ready, willing and able to have children, are best mulled before you commit to parenthood. And while not every question can be answered before you bring home baby, knowing which questions are most important to answer can ease the transition to motherhood.
　　Are my partner and I on the same page?
　　Planning the logistics of beginning a family can be "so overwhelming that a lot of couples put their heads in the sand," says Anna Fels, M.D., a psychiatrist on the faculty of New York Presbyterian Hospital and author of Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women’s Changing Lives. Talking frankly about what’s most important to you when it comes to raising a child and how you think starting a family may change your lives will help align you and your partner’s goals and desires. It’s better to put everything on the table beforehand, Fels advises, instead of being blindsided after the baby’s arrival.
　　Is it possible that you’ve always dreamed of having two children but your partner thinks he wants just one? Alternately, are you happy with your current living situation and your partner would prefer to move to a new location altogether? How important is it to be near (or far from) your extended families? Will you both be working and dividing costs and parenting responsibilities 50/50? Or would you prefer to divide and conquer with one parent manning the homefront while the other works?
　　The best policy is to be open and honest. Are you both emotionally ready? Stop and think right now: Do you know if your partner feels secure enough to become a parent and is satisfied enough with other parts of his life so that he will take on this new role without hesitation or resentment? Are you?
　　Says Fels, who had her first child at 35 and her second four years later: "In the tumult and confusion of body, marriage and career transformations, can you keep your feet on the ground? At 22, I would have been swept out to sea." If you’re both not completely ready and in agreement on most issues, the response is to wait.
　　Can we afford a child (or children)?
　　While you may be over the moon about the possibility of a baby in the house, don’t lose sight of the most practical of considerations: Children are expensive. Sit down with a calculator and add up the numbers. "Things can wind up being tighter than what you thought," says Patricia Cook, chief of executive recruiting firm Cook & Co. "If you really want the baby, you may have to reduce your expenses or increase your income."
　　New babies often require costly accommodations. Your hypothetical list should definitely include a crib, high chair, stroller, etc. But, more importantly, you may also need to move to a larger home or apartment, which comes with moving costs and increased payments.
　　Time off or an extended leave from work will reduce your income. If both you and your partner plan on working, factor in nanny or daycare costs. Even if one of you plans to stay home, you’ll still need some babysitters on occasion. And medical and hospital costs can add up, depending on your insurance.
　　Moreover, the cost of raising a child or children only increases over time. There are ongoing expenses for medical care, clothing, toys, vacations, not to mention education. You may want your children to attend a private or religious school, for instance, and you are likely going to want to start a college savings fund. Understanding the complex financial math of raising a family will help you know if you’re ready.
　　How will becoming a mom affect my career?
　　"You need to start thinking seriously about whether you will continue working, and if it will be full time or part time," advises Cook. If you do plan on staying home or reducing your hours, be realistic about whether your partner’s income will make up the difference, she warns. Be honest with yourself, too, about what you want from your career and whether your choices will affect your success in the long term.
　　If you do plan on continuing to work, get to know all of your company’s policies, says Cook. Know what’s available in terms of health insurance coverage, maternity leave, paternity leave and flexible schedules so you can make informed decisions. Talk with other moms in the workplace to find out how they are juggling their responsibilities. If you’re already pregnant, Cook suggests not spreading the word in the first three months and to wait until you’re showing.
　　Once you tell your boss, watch out for red flags. If the boss doesn’t seem supportive, you might want to question whether you are in the right job. Without the support of both your immediate boss and your employer, "there will be bumps in the road," Cook cautions. You may decide to look for other positions within the company under a boss who is more sympathetic.
　　How will I make this work on a daily basis?
　　When blogger Susan Wagner was trying to conceive her first child, she had almost every detail of her long-range and financial plan mapped out. She got her investments in order and decided, with her husband, that they wanted two children, a house and private schooling. What they forgot to think about were the day-to-day details of being new parents. She learned that becoming a mom rearranges your entire life, and suggests asking yourself: What are my needs, and do I have structures in place to meet those needs?
　　For her, it was about sleep. When her first son, now 9, was born premature, Wagner was terrified he’d stop breathing in the middle of the night. At first she slept on the floor in the nursery room to be near him. Later, and for almost a year, she slept in the guest room with the baby. Finally, her husband said "enough is enough," and the couple set up a sleep schedule that allowed her to get a good night’s rest. They mapped out another sleep schedule before their second son, now 7, was born, which enormously eased their stress.
　　It’s important to consider some of the possibilities that may unfold. If you plan on staying home for some time, ask yourself: Will I feel isolated and am I prepared to spend more time alone, or am I open to making new child-centric friends? If you and your partner will both work, consider how you’d divide domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning, and whether you need to hire domestic help. Also consider the effects of motherhood on your personal time by asking: How much time can I factor in for exercise, my friends or date nights, and who will take care of the baby during those times?
　　Am I ready for the uncertainty and surprises of becoming a mom?
　　No matter how much you plan and talk to your partner, it’s impossible to know exactly what becoming a parent will be like for you. "You can’t know who you will become or the personality of your baby," says psychiatrist Fels. "Some of it is a leap of faith."