I quit smoking this week. Smokers who have quit or tried to quit know that it puts you on edge for a week or two. I’d sink a boat full of kittens with a hand grenade if Joe Camel asked me to right now. I’m sorry, I love kittens and nautical vessels, so I shouldn’t take it out on them. It’s my own fault. Dumb habit to start and a terribly difficult habit to kick; I’ve tried several times to stop, but to no avail. It’s my own fault. And so without further ado, I give you the 7 ways I’ve tried to quit and why I failed miserably at them. Hopefully some of you can either relate or let me know what I’m doing wrong.
1 Acupuncture
This could work for some people. But like a lot of folks out there I’m less than comfortable with needles. Me + A table full of needles = A bit of a nervous situation. And when I’m nervous, I like to smoke. So this whole experience was counter-productive. I’m not saying it doesn’t work for others (I hear it works wonders for some), but for me, I simply looked like the guy from Hellraiser (except a lot more crying) and my chi was back buying Camel Lights the moment they unstuck me. My buddy quit by using this technique though. It’s probably one of the more effective ways of quitting if you don’t mind needles.
2 Nicotine Gum
I really hate chewing gum because it hurts my stomach. I’m very aware how dumb that sounds considering I smoke cigarettes like a freight train on the B&O. Nicotine gum was not something that agreed with my palate. It also made me light-headed and tasted a bit like pepper spray. I’ve heard good things from others, but even as a nicotine supplement and an oral stimulant, gum just couldn’t shake my cravings. But it made my breath smell nice and I didn’t stink like smoke. Those are the two big pluses going for nicotine gum.
3 Hypnosis
You’re relaxing. Relax. Deep Breaths. And let all the stress melt away…Sorry hypnosis guy, but when I usually do what you just asked me to, I have a cigarette butt in my mouth. Soooo, do you mind if I smoke in here because it really helps me do what you’re asking? And I find it strange you ask a long-time smoker to take very deep breaths? That’s like asking Steven Hawking to breakdance. These are things that inevitably passed through my mind when visiting the hypnotist. My mind simply will not relax when you tell it to and this is probably why hypnosis didn’t work for me. I obviously have trouble being relaxed–that’s why I smoke in the first place. Plus I’m ADD as hell. I was a giant fail at hypnotherapy. But again, I’ve heard this does work very well for some people. You just have to go in with the right mindset to make it work.
4 Blow pops
I think it’s easiest to calm the cravings of an oral addiction by replacing it for a short-time with another oral addiction. And you get the added benefit of a sugar buzz. This is what I did with Blue-Razz Blow Pops. It does work to some extent, but you then get the added misfortune of walking around work with a blue mouth, which was not helpful in important business meetings. Plus my roommate would ask if I had just fellated Papa Smurf. Not realizing what he was talking about, I would awkwardly reply that I hadn’t, but I was trying to quit smoking. Suckers are a good element to use while quitting, but I wouldn’t rely on just using them as the sole element in the battle to kick the habit.
5 Become unable to afford them
Another method that seems to work well in my case. When I was a poor, starving artist type living in Los Angeles, I had to stop smoking for a prolonged period of time because cigarettes were over $6 a pack and my wallet couldn’t keep up with my habit. Am I telling you to sell you belongings and empty your IRA account in order to quit smoking? No. That seems ridiculous. But I know that living places like California, New York City, Washington D.C. and Hawaii, where cigarettes can be upwards of $10 a pack, can really help you curb your habit. Just like with most other things, a person will only pay so much to keep a habit alive and nothing makes you question your habits quicker than shelling $50 a week on cigarettes. Maybe it’s time for a “quit smoking” vacation?
6 In lieu of tobacco smoke a lot of marijuana
I have gotten this advice from a few people and it actually worked for some of them. It of course comes with a few added side-effects that include the munchies (that will probably cause you to gain some weight), the possibility of jail time and the fact that you may never be able to find your cars keys or your car, ever again. I don’t feel that this is going to work for most people for obvious reasons. I can’t remember anything as it is, so the only way this would work is if I smoked enough to forget that cigarettes ever existed; which seems unlikely, as I’d just be smoking something else that looked exactly like a cigarette. Plus it’s more than likely going to be an even more expensive habit. But to each his own.
7 Lock yourself in a room and punch strangers that come in when they give you lip
No, no, no! I apologize. That’s the nicotine rage again. Doing this may give you some satisfaction, but think about how many people smoke in prison. You’d never be able to quit in there. Plus, the whole soap dropping thing…I mean, everyone likes to have a cig after sex, but…no. Bad idea. No matter how badly you want to yell and punch the people around you while you try and quit, you should probably skip this idea.
Does the nicotine patch work? I dunno. Never tried it. Ditto for the nicotine inhaler. Am I doing something wrong? If anyone has any suggestions I’d be happy to hear them. Let me know what you think in the comment section below. |
大学英语---