Don't say ： "You always" or "You never" or "You're a [slob ， jerk]"
or "You're wrong." Why： Speaking in absolutes like "you always" and "you're
wrong" is playing the blame game， and resorting to name calling makes
your partner feel helpless， which puts him on the defensive and makes
a bad fight worse. Instead say： "I'm upset that you left the dishes in
the sink again. What can we do so that this stops happening ？" Starting
with the pronoun I puts the focus on how you feel ， not why he's in the
doghouse， and it will make him more receptive to fixing the problem.

    不要说"You always"（你总是）、"You never" （你从不）、"You're a [slob，
jerk]"（你是个笨蛋）或者"You're wrong." （你错了）。用"you always"、"you're
wrong"这样绝对的说话方式无疑是在玩指责游戏，而谩骂中伤更会让你的伴侣感
到无力，这只会迫使他为自己进行辩护，让争吵向更坏的情势发展。我们可以说
"I'm upset that you left the dishes in the sink again. What can we do
so that this stops happening？" （你又把盘碟留在水槽里让我感到心烦，我
们可以做些什么来杜绝这事吗？）用“我”来开头以强调你的感受，而不是为什
么他要被骂得很惨，这样会让他更容易接受，进而去解决问题。

    * to be in the doghouse 字面上看就是把一个人放进狗窝，而实际的意思
就是失宠或遭受困难。老外是很爱狗的，通常把狗养在家里与孩子一起，当做家
庭一分子。如果父母对狗不好，就把狗赶到外面的犬舍（doghouse）里，不准再
进家里。所以这个习语后来有一种处分或冷落的意味。

    Don't say ： "If you really loved me， you would……" Why ： The more
you treat your partner as if he'll never satisfy you， the less satisfied
you'll be. Controlling your partner by imploring him to do something isn't
a good way to build intimacy. Instead say ： "I feel taken for granted
when you don't help around the house. I would feel better if we could
…" The best way to keep a productive fight from becoming a dirty one
is to be clear about why you're upset and then offer a solution.

    不要说"If you really loved me ， you would……" （如果你真的爱我，
你应该……）你越是用那种好像他从来无法满足你的态度对待伴侣，你越是不会
感到满意。通过恳求他做某事来控制伴侣不是建立亲密关系的好方法。我们可以
说"I feel taken for granted when you don't help around the house. I would
feel better if we could …" （当你不帮忙做家务时，我有种事情就该我做的
感觉，如果我们能……我会感觉好受些）。