cet6作文指导：Dealing with the digital age

作者：　发布时间：2008-12-16 17:10:13　来源：

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在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为"The digital age"的作文进行了讲评和改写。这是2007年12月份的六级作文试题。按照六级作文评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得9分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
　　Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled The Digital Age. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below.
　　1.如今数字化产品得到越来越广泛的使用，例如……
　　2.数字化产品的使用对人们工作、学习和生活产生的影响
　　读者原文
　　The digital age
　　Nowadays, the digital products are used more and more widely. Such as: computer, digital TV, digital camera, MP3, MP4 and so on. With the society developing, the products are making rapid progress.
　　The digital products have a great effect on people’s work, study and life. With the computer, one’s work becomes much easier than before. Those who have to work outside now can finish a project in the office. As for our students, these digital products help us a lot in studying. We can improve our listening ability of English by MP3 or MP4. It’s very convenient to take the MP3 or MP4 around, so we can listen English in whatever time if we want. The digital TV and camera make people’s life more colorful and meaningful. Owning a digital camera, we can take the pictures of every splendid moment.
　　All in all, our society has gone into a digital age. I believe more and more digital products will be created in future, and our life, study and work will make a great difference.
　　修改后的文章
　　The digital age
　　Nowadays, digital products, such as computers, digital TVs, digital cameras, MP3 players and MP4 players, are widely used. With the development of information technology, these products are making rapid progress.
　　The digital products have a great effect on people’s work, study and life. With the computers, our work becomes much easier than before. Some work that used to be performed outdoors can now be done in the comfort of an office. As for us students, these digital products help a lot in our studies. For instance, we can improve our English listening ability with the help of an MP3 or MP4 player. It’s very convenient to carry these gadgets around and listen to English wherever and whenever we want.
　　In the way of entertainment, digital TVs and cameras can make our life more colorful and meaningful. With a digital camera, we can take pictures of every memorable moment.
　　Our society has entered a digital age. I believe more digital products will be created in the future, and they will continue to have a great impact on our life, study and work.
　　夏老师的点评
　　这篇作文写得还算可以，考试指令中的要求都讲到了。作者思路比较开阔，内容也比较充实。但是该文作者的语言基本功不够扎实，英语句子架构有错误，对动词的时态和冠词的用法不够敏感，习惯用法掌握不熟，有些习语的意思甚至用反了。下面是几点具体的修改建议：
　　1. 第一段第二句"Such as: computer, digital TV, digital camera, MP3, MP4 and so on"不是一个完整的句子，应与第一句合并。这里，"such as"后面不要加冒号，应该直接接举例的东西。同时，由于是举例，最后也不要加"and so on"。另外，"digital products"前面的冠词"the"是不该加的，因为这里的"digital products"并非特指，而是用复数形式泛指一类东西。
　　2. 第一段第三句中的"With the society developing"建议改为"With the development of information technology"。社会的发展固然与数字产品的进步有关，但是信息技术的发展与数字产品的进步关系更为直接。
　　3. 第二段第三句中"Those who have to work outside now can finish a project in the office"应改为"Some work which used to be performed outdoors can now be done in the comfort of an office"。前面一句的主语是"work", 接下来主语还应是"work"，文章才有连贯性。作者的原句将话题转到人上，不能突出计算机的作用。另外"Those who have to work outside"的现在时态用错了，应为过去时(who had to work)。这里是现在和过去对比，时态的使用就更为重要了。
　　4. 第二段第四句中的"As for our students"应改为"As for us students"。如果你是老师，你可以说"As for our students"，如果你是学生，你应该说"As for us students"。
　　5.第二段第五句"We can improve our listening ability…"是举例，前面加一个"For instance"就把上下两个句子的关系明确起来了。
　　6. 第二段第六句的"we can listen English in whatever time if we want"有严重的语病。"listen English"应改为"listen to English"；"in whatever time"应改为"at whatever time"；"if we want"应改为"we want"，改为"we can listen to English wherever and whenever we want"更好。
　　7. 第二段最后一句"owning"应改为"with"，因为有照相机用就行，不一定要拥有，借一架照相机也行。"take the pictures of"这个短语中冠词"the"不但是多余的，而且是错误的，应去掉。
　　8. 第三段第二句中的"in future"应改为in the future"。短语"in future(英国用法)＝ "from now on"，意为"从今往后"，常常夹带一种警告的口气，表示从今以后，情况跟过去不一样了，例如：
　　In future, staff must wear identity badges at all times.
　　Keep your opinions to yourself in future!
　　"In the future"="at some time that will come after the present"，意为"在将来某一时间"，例如：
　　The boy wants to become a philosopher in the future.
　　We learn from the past, experience the present and hope for success in the future.
　　同一句中"our life, study and work will make a great difference"应改为"they (digital products) will make a greater impact on our life, study and work"或者"they will make a great difference to our life, study and work"。作者原句的意思是"我们的生活、学习和工作将会大大改变(别的什么事物)"，而修改后的句子的意思是"他们(digital products)将会大大地影响/改变我们的生活、学习和工作"。
　　另外，因为前文已经提到过数码产品影响我们的生活、学习和工作，所以建议加上一个"continue to"，表示"继续产生这种影响"。

	【责任编辑：苏婧纠错】

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