| Cracking CET 在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为“The digital age”的作文进行了讲评和改写。这是2007年12月份的六级作文试题。按照六级作文评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得11分。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。 Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled The Digital Age. You should write at least 150 words following the outline given below. 1.如今数字化产品得到越来越广泛的使用，例如…… 2.数字化产品的使用对人们工作、学习和生活产生的影响 读者原文 The digital age Nowadays, the use of digital products has been widely spread. Computers, MP3 players, digital cameras, etc have become a crucial part of our daily life. Whatever we are occupied, things could hardly be done without them. Digital products are in connection with everybody in contemporary times. As far as one’s work is concerned, computers serve to make everything done more efficiently and conveniently. He or she will never be buried in piles of papers to search for data; just click the mouse, and information around the world will come into sight on the screen in few seconds. Besides, digital products like MP3 or MP4 players are necessities for us students, who are enabled to listen to English regardless of places and time with the help of the products. Moreover, with digital products, life becomes more interesting and colorful. For instance, in terms of amusement, due to digital cameras and the like, photographs can be taken or deleted at will without we worrying about the cost of films. In summary, digital products have made a great influence on our work, study and life, which means we now live in a digital age. With the development of technology and society, the degree of digitalization will surely become increasingly higher and better for human being. 修改后的文章 The digital age Nowadays, the use of digital products is widespread. Computers, MP3 players and digital cameras have become a crucial part of our daily life. Whatever we are engaged in, we could hardly do anything without them. Digital products play an important role in everybody’s life in the contemporary world. They bring us great convenience. For example, computers help raise our work efficiency. We don’t have to bury ourselves in piles of paper in order to search for data. Just click the mouse, and the information we need will pop up on the computer screen in a few seconds. As for us students, digital products like MP3 or MP4 players have become necessities. With these gadgets, we are able to listen to English whenever and wherever we want. Moreover, with digital products, life becomes more interesting and colorful. For instance, with digital cameras and the like, we can take photographs or delete them at will without worrying about the cost of film. To sum up, digital products have made a great impact on our work, study and life, which means we now live in a digital age. With the development of technology and society, the degree of digitalization will surely increase, thus bettering living conditions for us human beings. 夏老师的点评 这篇作文写得还是比较好的，思想内容充实，语言表达亦比较丰富，且基本正确。不足的是，还是有一些语法错误和中国式的表达。其原因还是对某些英语词汇和短语的确切含义没有搞清，所以一用起来就走样了。另外，这篇文章中，被动语态用得太多，影响文章的流畅和连贯性。下面是几点具体的修改建议： 1. 第一段第三句“Whatever we are occupied, things could hardly be done without them”应改为“Whatever we are engaged in, we could hardly do anything without them”。前半句“Whatever we are occupied”有语病， “be occupied”后面不可直接接名词， 应该有介词“in”或“with”, 改成“Whatever we are occupied in/with”才行。后半句语法没有问题，但改成主动式更顺一些。应该指出的是，本文作者爱用被动语态，其实，在英语写作中，最好不要用被动语态。 2. 第二段第一句“Digital products are in connection with everybody in contemporary times”建议改为“Digital products play an important role in everybody’s life in the contemporary world”。作者想的是中文的“有关系”在这里实际是指每个人都用得着，所以不能用“in connection with”(有联系)来表达。 3. 第二段第二句中的“computers serve to make everything done more efficiently and conveniently” 建议改为“computers help raise our work efficiency”。 4. 第二段第三句“He or she will never be buried in piles of papers to search for data; just click the mouse, and information around the world will come into sight on the screen in few seconds”。建议改为“We don’t have to bury ourselves in piles of paper in order to search for data. Just click the mouse, and the information we need will pop up on the computer screen in a few seconds”。 注意“in few seconds”是不对的，一定要用“in a few seconds”。 5. 第二段第四句中的“who are enabled to listen to English regardless of places and time with the help of the products”建议改为“With these gadgets, we are able to listen to English whenever and wherever we want”。本句中“regardless of places and time”用得不合适。作者的实际意思是“想在哪儿(什么时间)听，就在哪儿(什么时间)听”。 “regardless of”的意思是“不受……影响(without being affected by)”，例如： The law requires equal treatment regardless of race, religion or sex. 6. 第二段第六句中的“due to digital cameras and the like, photographs can be taken or deleted at will without we worrying about the cost of films”。应改为“with digital cameras we can take photographs or delete them at will without worrying about the cost of film”。原句中的“without we worrying”是错误的，应改为“without us/our worrying”。可是原句是被动语态，接上去也很别扭，改成主动语态就顺得多了。 7. 第三段第一句中的“made a great influence on our work”应改为“made a great impact on our work” 或“exerted a great influence on our work”。这里主要是词语的习惯搭配的问题。英美人不讲“make an influence on”。 |
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