Does Criticism Do More Harm Than Good to People?
Text
A Young Woman Who Fears Compliments
Marya, a brilliant graduate student in her early twenties who came for consultation. Insisted that she could improve only with criticism(1). Her reasoning was that she knew the good qualities but that she did not know the bad ones. To have more knowledge of her negative qualities, she believed, would add to her self-understanding(2) and thus enable her to see herself more completely. Marya, in effect, refused to acknowledge and to understand her strengths. She had assembled detailed lists of her negative qualities which she used daily to support an extremely negative view of herself. But they were either exaggerated or unreal(3).
Despite her attractiveness to others, she convinced herself that she was ugly. When her family bought her new and well-designed articles of clothing(she seldom bought any herself), she left them hanging in the closet for weeks before wearing them once. When someone complimented her on what she wore(4) and asked whether it was new, she could honestly answer no. She did not "deserve" to wear new clothes. She could not bear the pain of hearing compliments, of seeing herself as intelligent, pretty, or worthwhile(5).
As a child, Marya had received little or no criticism from her parents. She was prized by them. Their major disappointment in her apparently was that she often rejected their overtures of kindness and appreciation, not in anger but in embarrassment, (6) as though she were undeserving. This seemingly mild-mannered young woman, (7) exceptionally courteous judgment with tenacity(8). finally, friends and interested faculty members quit acceding to her persuasive requests for criticism(9) that they could not honestly give. Instead, they gently but firmly confronted her with her own blindness to what she truly was like(10).
I. Listen
Listen to the text with the help of the following notes.
1. she could improve only with criticism: 只有批评才能使她进步。
2. To have more knowledge of her negative qualities, ..., would add to her self-understanding:更多地知道她的短处将会增加她的自我了解。 3. they were either exaggerated or unreal: 它们或是夸张，或是根本不真实。
4. someone complimented her on what she wore: 有人称赞她所穿的衣服。
5. She could not bear the pain of hearing compliments, of seeing herself as intelligent, pretty, or worthwhile: 听到别人的赞扬之辞，看到自己是一个聪明、漂亮的有用的人来说是一种痛苦，对此她不能忍受。
6. she often rejected their overtures of kindness and appreciation, not in anger but in embarrassment: 她常常拒绝他们表示慈爱和称赞并非由于生气，而是由于难为情。
7. This seemingly mild-mannered young woman: 这位貌似温顺的年轻女性。
8. held onto her own negative self-judgment with tenacity:顽固地坚持对她自己的否定态度。
9. friends and interested faculty members quit acceding to her persuasive requests for criticism: 朋友及关心她和教师们不再答应她颇具说服力的要求批评的请求。
10. they gently but firmly confronted her with her own blindness to what she truly was like: 他们温和却又坚决地向她指出她对自己的实际情况完全视而不见。 |
